I had a very interesting conversation with my daughter the other day. This conversation turned into an experience, which turned into a success and the biggest smile on my daughter’s face. I know, it is starting to sound like a story for parents but if you are “a nonparent” read it till the end and it might make sense for you as well.
My daughter, Izzy, was almost 13 at this stage. We ordered shoes for her online and she was waiting for them very eagerly. She was so excited when they were delivered to our door. Unfortunately, she was even more disappointed when she tried them on to discover that her feet still needed to grow a lot if she didn’t want to look like she was drowning in them.
The solution was to make a phone call to the shop to get it sorted out. Izzy was begging me to do it just this very second, as if the whole world’s existence depended on this one phone call.
My daughter is a very confident and responsible little person, or so I thought, but at this moment I realized that she was always relying on me to sort out things like that. The real realization, though, was that I have always done it for her without considering that she was more than capable of doing it herself.
I thought at this very moment that it was the perfect opportunity to change it.
I said, “Izzy, you can call and sort it out yourself. This is the number”
It was painful to see TERROR in her eyes, “What do you mean?!? I’ve never done it before?!?!
Here our long discussion happened but, to make sure you are not bored, I’m putting just some highlights:
From Izzy’s side: ‘Pleeeeaaaase Mum, can you call, pleeeeeaaassseeee’.
From my side: ‘It’s understandable you are scared, as you haven’t done it before’, ‘you will learn how to do it’, ‘people are not scary, just talk to them’, ‘I know you can do it’, ‘you can’t expect other people to do things for you all the time’, ‘you will feel great when you organize it by yourself’….
BUT I think the statement that really helped me at the end was: “I will not call, so if you want your shoes in the right size, YOU have to call YOURSELF”.
She was almost close to tears when she dialed the number. Her voice trembled when she said ‘hello’. She did not sound confident at all when explaining what happened. But to see how gradually her face changed from almost pale to a normal color and complemented with a beautiful smile of pride – this was magical.
The correct size shoes arrived some time later BUT the most important outcome of this short phone call was her realization that she was capable of so much when she only decided to fight her fear.
I believe we all have those ‘phone calls’ we fear. The only way to get rid of them is to pick up the phone, do what you need to do and see how you feel after concurring your fear.